This year has been a huge year for me, for so many reason, so so many. I’m not sure where to begin but I feel like just writing this post as almost the full stop at the end of a four year long sentence.
So what’s the main reason behind this? Well, as you know from my previous posts I have finished my degree in Screenwriting with Creative Writing which I studied at the University of Central Lancashire in Preston, England. I now eagerly await the results.
I had a rough start at University, recently having broken up with. who at the time I believed to be. the love of my life (even though I’d only just turned 18) I then moved out of home and left my dad behind, feeling bad that he was living on his own for the first time in about 8 years.
I got here unsure of what I wanted to do in my future and hating my course and I panicked and thought “shit this is my life now”, but I realised it wasn’t and I had control and I managed to change my course, bringing me to rediscover an old passion of mine and that was writing. I originally swapped from Games Design to Creative Writing and English Literature but I hated English Lit and this got me so depressed but after seeking the academic help I managed to swap to Screenwriting towards the end of the year, which made me have to stay here for an extra year, bringing my time at Uni to four years (this will become relevant in a second).
This rough year was also the time my grandad died to and that hit me hard as this was the first time I had to deal with loss like that in my adult life but I got past it okay just at the time it was weird, but in my grief it turned me to blogging, and I originally started a blog on Tumblr, but then discovered WordPress!
The second and third year I won’t touch upon much, other than to say I kinda cut myself off from my friends what, in the end, became a really bad relationship, but I try not to live in regret of that.
At the end of that third year I should have graduated but, as I pointed out a second ago, I had to stay behind for this fourth year.
And now, here I am, at the end of this year writing a post about it, a post which doesn’t really have much have a goal in mind, I’m not sure what I’m trying to say. Actually, I am trying to say thank you, not only to you guys putting up with my moaning and whinging since like November but also for supporting my work and giving me just a little message from time to time in the comments reminding me to smile. One comment has made a lasting impression on me and unfortunately I can’t remember the exact comment but the main meaning behind it was this; Even in the dark times, light still shines through.
And I’ve tried to keep this mantra since then and I believe it has helped in someways, and when it hasn’t helped me I’ve made a point of telling it to others and trying to spread the word. It’s part of the whole theme behind the monologue I wrote called “Dear Amy” which some of you will have read.
This year has been rough, in someways not as bad as that first, and in some ways worse. I’ve had to deal with not only my own problems but those of others, many late night conversations talking to people who have needed my help and whilst I don’t mind, and I am more than happy to help others, and in someways it helps distracts from my own issues, but sometimes I’ve had to take the selfish approach and think “no, I have to look after myself now, I can not do anymore for you”.
But at the same time, above the deluge of crap that has come through my life this year I have had some of the most amazing friends I could have asked for. And if it wasn’t for the rubbish first year, I wouldn’t have stayed for this fourth year. Was the pain worth the happiness I have had? Most definitely.
I’ve grown a lot this year, I’ve learnt a lot about myself, a lot of which I didn’t like but I have since changed or I am in the process of changing. And without the UCLan Film Society people I don’t think I would have coped as well as I did.
And there’s a certain person who, even though in the end it didn’t go as I would have hoped, I do owe her a lot, and I do still think of her. I always will do and we may rekindle a friendship, soon or in the future who knows, but there was certainly something there and I am very grateful to have met her and had her in my life, we just came into each others lives at the wrong time I think.
So ultimately, I guess this following statement is the “point” of this mad rambling post that a lot of people may not have even read:
Even in the dark times, light still shines through.