DAWN – New Opening (First 13 Pages)

Hey guys, haven’t posted in a while because I’ve been cracking on with my script. I am now at 40 pages and for your eyes only I have decided to share the opening with you. You guys always give me great feedback and I do really appreciate it and I want you all to know that.

This section, the first 13 pages, is what I would say is the main opening in that it gets the exposition out of the way and establishes the main characters and the situation for the rest of the film to carry on with.

Unfortunately at the moment I’m just writing to completion, I’m aware there may be plot holes and I am trying my best to cover them but as long as I get a 2:1 I will be happy, we also have to produce a script report based on our own scripts, in which we can acknowledge the downfalls of the script so it is with this that I hope I can get the 2:1. All my scripts so far have been to 2:1 standards so I have faith that this can achieve that too, no matter how bad I feel the idea is. My plan with this film is to complete it and then forget about it for a year or so and focus on film making and other, shorter scripts, then come back to this for a good redraft.

Thanks again guys, you’re all amazing.

DAWN OPENING

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2 thoughts on “DAWN – New Opening (First 13 Pages)

  1. The opening has the foreboding feel that you know something is terribly wrong. The montage of the couple falling in love and all is okay but since I don’t know these people, I’m not vested in their happiness, it does not touch me. Nor does it draw me into the story.

    THis is just a suggestion for an alternate opening to establish the characters early. No need to use this, just something I thought of as I was reading the script.

    What if instead of showing the loving couple, you establish the relationship with Roy doing something domestic for Alice, something he wouldn’t normally do like cook a caserole or something. Photos of their relatioship are scattered around the kitchen.
    Outside a black van pulls up, three men in security forces outfits jump out, enter the house and knock Roy out. They carry his limp body upstairs and carefully hang him so that he does not soffocate to death. They are in constant contact with someone via earpieces. They type up a suicide note and exit the house cleaning up all evidence of them being there. They take the casserole too.

    Cut to Lineback watching monitors in a dark office. He sees Alice leaving the offices through multiple layers of security. He tracks her throuc CCTV monitors on the road, and watches her as she discovers Roy’s body through the balck van parked down the block. THe scene closes with him calling the hospital saying a subject would be arriving soon and to begin the preperations.

    The rest of the opening pages are great. Keep up the good work.

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