Here are the final two acts of my DAWN synopsis, although having read the feedback from the first Act commenter “apdiggs” has given me some great advice so the positioning of the act breaks will probably end up being different now, this is why I am putting the last two acts up in one go so then people can read it as it is and let me know what they think how it flows when it is all presented together. For those of you who haven’t read the comment from “apdiggs” to sum up they are saying get to DAWN faster. And I agree, I did want to get to DAWN faster but to me the two suicide attempts were a vent for me at how crap the hospital system is as recently I have had some experience with the hospitals discharging patients who are clearly unstable, but this probably not my place to have a sly dig at that so for that reason I am going to take out the pill suicide and just have the bridge jump.
I am also struggling to come up with a B line sub-plot, I have an idea based around the work of doctors in the real world allowing us to dip in an out of DAWN, maybe something along the lines of they told Roy that he has no chance of ever waking just to see what would happen if he threw himself into this world completely and took it on as his new life, what do you guys think?
I am also in two minds about the ending, I don’t know whether or not it should stay as it is and Roy goes back to the bridge and it is a bit ambiguous as to whether or not he kills himself again, or if it turns out Lucy the woman from inside DAWN is actually another human test subject and not in fact and AI, I just believe this may confuse things a little.
Anyway enough of me rambling if you click the link below you will be taken to the PDF of the synopsis in it’s rough state. Based on feedback I get I will change it accordingly and also I will take the time to iron out the spelling and grammar mistakes haha!
Thank you so much for the great feedback if this ever gets made I will remember you guys and definitely credit you somehow!