DAWN: Synopsis–All 3 Acts – Draft 1

Here are the final two acts of my DAWN synopsis, although having read the feedback from the first Act commenter “apdiggs” has given me some great advice so the positioning of the act breaks will probably end up being different now, this is why I am putting the last two acts up in one go so then people can read it as it is and let me know what they think how it flows when it is all presented together. For those of you who haven’t read the comment from “apdiggs” to sum up they are saying get to DAWN faster. And I agree, I did want to get to DAWN faster but to me the two suicide attempts were a vent for me at how crap the hospital system is as recently I have had some experience with the hospitals discharging patients who are clearly unstable, but this probably not my place to have a sly dig at that so for that reason I am going to take out the pill suicide and just have the bridge jump.

I am also struggling to come up with a B line sub-plot, I have an idea based around the work of doctors in the real world allowing us to dip in an out of DAWN, maybe something along the lines of they told Roy that he has no chance of ever waking just to see what would happen if he threw himself into this world completely and took it on as his new life, what do you guys think?

I am also in two minds about the ending, I don’t know whether or not it should stay as it is and Roy goes back to the bridge and it is a bit ambiguous as to whether or not he kills himself again, or if it turns out Lucy the woman from inside DAWN is actually another human test subject and not in fact and AI, I just believe this may confuse things a little.

Anyway enough of me rambling if you click the link below you will be taken to the PDF of the synopsis in it’s rough state. Based on feedback I get I will change it accordingly and also I will take the time to iron out the spelling and grammar mistakes haha!

Thank you so much for the great feedback if this ever gets made I will remember you guys and definitely credit you somehow!

Dawn – Synopsis

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5 thoughts on “DAWN: Synopsis–All 3 Acts – Draft 1

  1. Just read the synopsis and it is all very good. What I really like is your thoughts on the sub plot with Lucy. Everything you have currently is great for Roy story line. I have to ask myself what genre this fits, right now it appears to be a love story more than an action adventure.

    To flesh this out, consider Lucy both in DAWN and without. What if Lucy was also a programmer at DAWN, someone unsatisfied with real life and loses herself in the virtual world? Just as Roy could be an idealized version of himself in DAWN (successful, handsome, charming) Lucy in DAWN could be beautiful, outgoing whereas as the real Lucy is shy and dowdy. Her bosses harangue her for wasting too much time on a single AI, get too involved in the ‘subject’ and is one mistake form being sacked.

    The love story is her escape just as it is Roy’s salvation. When Lucy disappears from DAWN, it mirrors her being fired in the real world. When Roy returns to the bridge, perhaps he sees a mousy woman standing there, one who has the same mannerisms as Lucy.

    There is a Korean film “Castaway on the Moon” you should see with a similar theme – not too similar- but you can get the gist. I highly recommend it.

    Hope this helps. You have a great story line so far. Even without these suggestions, it works very well.

    1. Thanks again for the feedback, I am drawing together a document with the general thoughts and feelings of the script and in it I have a “plot” section and you have given me a pretty good idea of a plotline with Lucy.

      • Instead of him attempting suicide again at the end, he actually does come out a changed person, with him discovering Lucy in the real world.
      • As Lucy is about to be consumed by the Black Wall she tells him she is real (up to this point she has told him she is an AI so the programmers at DAWN don’t discover her.

      I also love the idea of it being her escape as much as his salvation, something I’m definitely going to implement and it becomes a good B Line through the script, I will try and do it in some way though where you don’t fully know whether or not the programmer is Lucy till the end, I have an idea how to do that but I’m going to work on it first I think.

      Thanks again!

  2. Very interesting. It kinda reminded me of the BBC series “Life on Mars.” (There was a terrible American remake a few years ago.)

    I have one note I’d like to pass on that jumped out at me as I read. The first act set-up puts Roy through quite a bit. When he finds himself in DAWN, everything that happened seemed to become irrelevant. Of course, he’s happier there because he was so miserable in the real world, but it seemed to me that a person’s mind would be happier inside DAWN because DAWN is better than real life.

    I kept expecting that Roy’s state-of-mind would manifest itself in DAWN somehow. You see, there isn’t a resolution at the end. Roy is just as depressed after his emergence from DAWN. He misses Lucy to such extent that he’s once again capable of physically harming himself to re-enter that “world.” If his battle was with his demon’s inside DAWN, with Lucy being his lover / guide, then his victory over the resentments / anger that consumed him in the real world would be the natural resolution, so that when he exits DAWN, there wouldn’t be the need to return.

    Even still, I very much enjoyed the synopsis and wish you the very best.

    good luck.

    a

    1. I really like the idea of him falling in love inside this world though and then coming out of this world and being so in love with this AI that he has to go back, but I do see what you mean, there is no obvious meaning or “point” to the film.

      The main theme I want to convey underneath this story is how we are constantly getting all this new technology and it is offering us greater and greater escapes, but soon we will start to become addicted to it on a greater scale than what already happens.

      I do have a new idea/thought now though based on your feedback. It would offer a good side story about his mind playing tricks on him inside DAWN, especially as if I take the advice from “apdiggs” and have him enter DAWN a lot sooner then there will be a need of more meat to flesh out the DAWN segment.

      So, he kills himself and wakes up in DAWN, whilst there he meets Lucy and it’s the story of their love but he also has to battle the demons in his mind to make himself a better person. Then, coming out of the world at the end, he is a changed person. To me though it is believable that that would break a man again, as DAWN now represents all that he has ever wanted, so I believe he would kill himself, but I guess it’d be a good that if Lucy WAS real in the real world he could be about to jump but she finds him and it could end there, unsure whether is was actually her and whether or not he fell.

      I want the ending to be like the ending of Inception where the audience can make up their own mind about what happens and take from it what they will as personally they’re the type of films I love so much.

      Thanks for the feedback and I will be working on the new outline/synopsis this weekend when I find the time.

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