DAWN: Update 2 [Updated]

Here is another update post collating my thoughts and others on my feature film script, a project I have to do for University. By December I will have written a scene by scene break down for the entire film as well as the first 10 minutes of the script and a synopsis and final logline etc etc. Then starting next year I will have to write the rest of the film to be handed in around May.

To get up to date with all the posts regarding this film click here.

So as you know from my last post my tutor isn’t happy really with my idea and I decided to not change it for him deciding to write what I enjoy the most and hopefully that will show through.

As commenter “michaelrwilson” put it:

A quote by Raymond Chandler, author of the Phil Marlowe classic detective series (from his notebooks I believe) – “Don’t ever write anything you don’t like yourself, and if you do like it, don’t take anyone else’s advice about changing it. They just don’t know.”

What a ruddy good quote that is! And is something I whole heartedly believe. I refuse to write something I have no interest in writing because if I’m bored writing the script then the script itself will more than likely be boring too.

But! Even though I am not listening to my tutor’s suggestion this time around, doesn’t mean I’m not listening to the feedback from you all either and I am willing to take advice especially if I agree with the advice and as usual with the people who comment here they do bring a fresh light to sometimes stale ideas that I can’t move forward (and I thank each and everyone of you from the bottom of my heart).

The comment that has got me this week though, well actually there’s two, but the main idea that I think I will probably shape how this story turns out for now is a comment from “I am not that bad“.

[…] Maybe your tutor saw there were too many sides on that story to develop in a script. On the other hand, maybe your tutor is not into science fiction at all and cannot get interested in your plot no matter how good it is. […] I’d agree with the others and tell you to go ahead and write what you want; however, I understand you’ll be graded for it and a lot lies on grades, doesn’t it? […] On the matter of taking the brother out of the story what if this soldier, who innerly grieves the loss of contact with his daughter has created a bond with a character into the virtual world. It can be an interactive game where each character represents a real person. Then he sees or meets by chance the real child in the real world and notices the real peril which comes from the virtual world. Then maybe you can develop the link[…]

This has given me a lot to think about, especially the last bit with the bonding with someone else to replace his daughter.

Now I’m thinking though, if he (an adult soldier) meets someone online who replaces his daughter (a child) this could come across as a little creepy and weird?

But then I thought that maybe he isn’t an adult soldier but is in fact a teenager, and the death of his sister (whom he is/was really close to) sends him into this world as an escape and there he meets a girl and he then meets her in real life? But the problem there is the Cyber Killer, cause even if the killer comes after him inside the virtual world or outside, a teenage kid may not exactly be able to deal with that?

So now I have the seed of an idea and I just need to figure out what I can do with it, it will definitely give me something to think on though!

What do you guys think? Any more awesome suggestions? What would you, as an audience feel like you could relate to more, although that is a very subjective question haha!

Thanks again guys, I just want you to know that I really appreciate the time you take out to leave me the comments and even though I sometimes take a while to reply I definitely will!


Just had a flash of an idea and needed to write it down and see what you guys think:

“Roy and his daughter, Emily, are in a car crash. Emily dies and Roy is left severely injured, as he recovers he is placed inside DAWN, a virtual world which is the norm in the film.

Roy had just picked up his daughter from school after coming back from the Army, she hadn’t seen him in a while and her hugs in the car sent the car swerving and it flips, this is the accident they’re in.”

The element of the killer would be removed I guess as this couldn’t be needed and this would be the thing that sends him into the world and inside the virtual reality he meets someone, another girl, who reminds him of his daughter? And a twist at the end can reveal it is indeed his daughter and she never actually died, he was just told she had died?

I dunno, this is something I will have to work on!


4 thoughts on “DAWN: Update 2 [Updated]

  1. Hi, I love to read about your process, isn’t this just the best part … knowing … on the verge of grasping but not quite there yet. I’ve just finished my own script, and I’m reminded of how much I love where you’re at right now, cause I must say editing … bah! not so much 😉

    I’ve read a few of your entries, and myself I always got lost in the details, and until I figured what kind of story I wanted to write the details always seemed to get in the way. What I mean is, what’s the bottom line of your story, is it about lovers\siblings\father-daughter torn apart … revenge … mistaken identity … Shakespeare pretty much covered all of the themes … once you figured out what it’s about, the details will happen by themselves. Then again, maybe you already know all this, and I’m just rambling on.

    Good luck, and I look forward to reading more. Btw, my editor is employed by Raindance, I heard they are quite big in the UK, just wondering if it’s true or not. Anyway, thanks for the visit, and hopefully we’ll be able to help each other. God knows I need it. 😉

    1. I agree about “getting lost in the details” which does prevent the story sometimes from progressing when getting the gist of the story will solve most of the details. How/where does it start, what is the climax/high-point/middle of the story where everything has led up to and finally where does it all lead from there, i.e conclusion. Having that in mind will make the details fit together like a puzzle because you know where you are heading when you write. Just a thought as this is something I struggle with myself.

      Anyway I look forward to reading more, looks like it will be quite a great read!

  2. I believe your tutor’s comment “Change Everything” has taken root in your mind. The idea you began with formed a foundation for your script and now your tutor is suggesting you tear down the facade and concentrate on the character.

    It doesn’t matter if your hero is a six-limbed giant blue alien, so long as the audience can relate and like the character. The details of the world around the protagonist is just window dressing. I believe you are on the right track with the brain storming and trying out different scenarios.

    Having the soldier find a girl that reminds him of a dead daughter is a powerful trope that is not used too often. Cyber killers are cliche, but cyber stalkers/pedophiles are more believable and more sinister.

  3. The brainstorming stage is often the most fun stage there is in writing, and yet I find it quite challenging. The ideas you are brainstorming are quite good, but I almost feel as if your missing a piece, a very important piece. I agree with what ‘apdiggs’ commented on saying that Cyber killers are a bit cliche, and that stalkers are more logical to have as your antagonist, especially since the world of DAWN is a virtual world.

    But what if you had the mom be some really powerfull character in DAWN? And, her husband didn’t know it? Maybe you could have her be almost like a secondary antagonist to the Cyber killer dude? Just sayin’.

    I absolutely love where this story line is going- it would definitely be something I’d want to read/watch. But (and I’m sure you know this already), even a fast paced book has slower moments, with questionable things happening- things that push your protagonist’s mind to their limits. I do feel like you need to have a second, some-what smaller antagonist, even if it’s Roy’s mind, challenging him, and pushing him to really think about things.

    Can’t wait to read more! It’s coming along great.

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