Ella: The Beginning – New Draft

Here is the new draft of Ella: The Beginning. I have made a few changes based on the feedback I was given on the last draft, so again I invite your feedback, I am pretty happy with this apart from the end now so I will probably leave the beginning and middle alone for a while as I want to go onto the next story set in this universe. But I would still love the feedback, it can help shape future work too!

This post comes with a little bit of bad news thought I am afraid. On July 13th the domain name for this blog will revert to danposwriting.wordpress.com and my contact@wordsformwindows.com email address will stop working unless I can find the $18 (I don’t what it is in my currency (GBP)). Hopefully I will be able to afford it by then and the website will go uninterrupted but I just thought I would give you a heads up as any links on your blog to my work will stop working.

Some good news though, it is my birthday next Monday (the 25th) and I will be 21! A true adult aha, I feel like I am getting so old, although I know 21 is still young aha!

Ella – The Beginning Draft 3


5 thoughts on “Ella: The Beginning – New Draft

  1. Hi, I like this new story of yours. I haven’t been back in awhile and so didn’t read the previous drafts, but I like this one.
    One thing I would suggest if you don’t mind is that I don’t think you need to keep explaining that she can do all the new things she does because of her new power. I think if you just say she could now do this or that, your readers would understand.
    But as I said otherwise I liked it. Is there going to be more?

    1. I don’t know if you have read it already but this is a prequel to this story of mine: http://wordsformwindows.com/writing/stories/serpent-sand/

      As for will there be more, yes there will but not a direct continuation, but other short stories set in the same universe, I’m going to use this short stories to help set up the world and get the lore set right etc, and then will hopefully write either a feature length film set in this world or a novel, but that is a long way off (:

      And I will take that feedback on board! I will have another quick read through and delete any repeating pieces that sound like I am just reiterating the same information (:

      Thanks again!

  2. You’ve improved it massively! I love your descriptions and the way you give everything life: “My bag dropped to the floor and its guts were spilled into the grass”. The city seems so much more alive now. Great job!

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