29 Doughton Drive – Opening

I have just finished the first draft of my opening to the new thirty minute screenplay I am working on, 29 Doughton Drive, this is just a working title at the moment though I think.

*UPDATE* Changed a few typo’s
29 Doughton Drive

*Previous Versions*
29 Doughton Drive

Hope you enjoy, and if you have any feedback I will be more than happy to hear it.

Thanks.

P.s. Look out for the second part of the Bill Nighy article coming in a few hours, I think it’s scheduled for 12:30.

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11 thoughts on “29 Doughton Drive – Opening

  1. you opening is good, your short film. I was fucked off that he died though. Drew me in though it’s good. Fucked off only cos I was starting to like him. Didn’t see it coming either. πŸ˜„Β 

  2. I thought the delivery guy was going to be a main character as well. A LIttle shocked when he was killed…So sad, I think I liked him. πŸ™‚ BTW, I have never read a screen play. I didn’t know this was how it was done….I always thought it was just dialog. I didn’t realize the scene was described as well as what the character was doing.

    1. Aha, I’m glad this is the reaction people have, it’s all about setting town, the fact he’s killed in cold blood and that the readers like him it’s meant to be shocking (: And yeah this is how scripts are written.

      Depending on the person description can be kept down to bare minimum and you let the director decide, but you need to direct the script in little ways, just to show what’s going on.

  3. I loved the part where he was rehearsing his lines as he went upstairs – poor guy, didn’t even get to say them. He was sympathetic, but I guess you could stay this one starts out with a bang! πŸ˜‰ The only thing that I feel is unneccessary, is his comment when he gets into the truck about “What a nice lady”. It sounds off somehow, seems it would be more likely he is just checking out the next stop, maybe humming something to himself. Just a thought.

    You’ve got a good start here, keep going.

  4. Killing the delivery guy definitely got my attention! I want to know what the hell is up with those two killers! I KNEW Ian should have left the package on the front step with a note on the door!

    Keep it up!

    1. Thanks, Im hearing good things about the delivery guy being killed aha, thanks πŸ˜€

      The deadline for this script is 26th April. so the finished thing will be up by then, I will be posting drafts as it develops aha.

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