“Come With Me” – An Opening

Here for your perusal is the opening few paragraphs of the short story I am writing for my Creative Writing module at the University of Central Lancashire, this is the third incarnation of the same opening, It went from 3rd person to 1st person, and now the back story and narrative have changed so I’ve had to cut my losses with almost all of the 2k words I wrote for the 1st person draft of my story and now here I am, 1,147 words of a 4,000 target.

Enjoy, comment with any suggestions if you have them, I appreciate all feedback I can get.

Come With Me – Opening

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6 thoughts on ““Come With Me” – An Opening

  1. Have you ever read Bram stoker’s Dracula?

    If not I recommend taking a gander at a copy, perhaps in the local library – Not at the story itself but at the method of writing it which allows for it to be written in the third person and the first person.

    Again you have a nice ‘hook’ and I love the way you don’t over sensationalise the statement – it just is! This is a book I wannna read! I hope I will someday but at this moment in time do you know where it ends? If not that’s what you need to know next to make the filling in the sandwich confident and coherent.

    Good luck.

    1. Yeah I have, not all the way through but a big chunk of it, I’ll have to revisit it. It’s only planned as 4000 word short story, so not very many words at all, but I know the ending etc yeah.

  2. Thanks so much for linking to my story “Omara”. That’s just awesome of you and greatly appreciated.

    I have to admit I’m not the best at feedback but I’ll give it a shot. I am curious to know what’s going on in this story and that’s a good thing.

    I’m new at this writing thing, too, but have to say I like my own writing better the more I cut and the tighter I write (unlike this reply). My short story started at 956 words and I thought each one was necessary and precious. But the contest requirements forced me to cut it down to 600 words and I think it got better in the process. And learning to let go of some of those seemingly precious words was a good experience for me.

    That’s probably not what you want to hear since you have a word count, but….it works for me.

    Best wishes and I look forward to seeing more.

    1. No worries, I hope it helps your blog having the link here (: Glad to hear you liked my opening, I’ve changed it a little bit now though but I am half way through and I’ll be sure to post the updated version as soon as it is complete!

      I’ll be sure to keep checking back on your blog to read your new stuff etc.

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