First Ten Pages of Script – Feeback?

Hi Guys, any chance you lovely followers could give this a read and give me any feedback? For a bit of context about the rest of the script check a few posts back, it’s called Rise Proposal Final or something along them lines. I only have to write the first ten pages for my assignment but if I like it after working on it more and I get good feedback I may finish off the hour episode as a pilot. Anyway here is the post, just click the link (:

*UPDATE* I’ve updated the script below to reflect minor grammatical errors etc and to tidy up some mistakes, if possible though any feedback on the actual story and how it flows would be very good thanks.

Rise Script Draft

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